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It was Thursday night in Jerusalem
And it was cloudy and mean
Ole Jesus went out on the town
To get himself some of that turpentine
He went into a bar and said,
a€?Can I get a shot of that meada€
The bartender not recognizing ole Jesus said,
a€?Therea€™s something that youa€™ll needa€
Well now ole Jesus got carded on Christmas
It was such a sight
And Santaa€™s got a boner and hea€™s fucking my daughter
Ooohhh on Christmas night
Ita€™sa fine Scabs Christmas
Here in purgatory
All the angels have on fake dicks
Ita€™s just that same ole story
Wea€™re going to hell
Wea€™re gonna spend Christmas in hell
All I want for Christmas is for you to stick your finger in my nuts
All I want for Christmas is for you to stick your tongue all over my nuts
And then I might stick my little christmasy finger in your butt
There was a little boy born in a manger
And they called him Jesus Christ
His mother was a virgin but somehow she still had lice
a€?Now howa€™d you get those crabs, mother Mary?a€
Ole Joseph did inquire
Then Jesus popped out and he said, a€ Ia€™m your sire
I am the Son of God
I am the Son of God
I am hungry but I am the Son of God
And so they invented Melba toast
But Jesus got carded on Christmas
Ia€™ve got a scab on my Christmas
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