The Great Luke Ski
Текст песни It's A Fanboy Christmas

It's a fanboy Christmas, there's geek-dom in the air.
The comic shops and toy stores, are crowded everywhere.
Each dork and dweeb and doofus, does their holiday thing.
They form a nerdy chorus, and they all begin to sing.

All I want for Christmas is my emotion chip,
Emotion chip, emotion chip.
All I want for Christmas is my emotion chip,
So I can have a merry Christmas.
Androids cannot feel merry,
Not to mention loving or affection.
If I do not get my emotion chip,
I will start an In-surrection.

Gowron got run over by a reindeer
On his way to fight the Dominion War.
Now he's drinking down his Christmas blood-wine.
In the curse-ed halls of Stovokor.

Said the barkeep to his brother Rom,
'Do you 'ear' what I 'ear'?'

Ave Jadzia… (Oh Jadzia…)
Cardi Muerto Trill Seis… (Gul Dukat killed you in the sixth season…)
Marc Alaimo Shmuck… (Geez, what a putz…)
Roho Polo Esta No-no… (That's what she gets for wearing a red wedding dress on a Star Trek show.)

It's a fanboy Christmas, at Ren fests and conventions.
We're sending all the fruit cakes, to alternate dimensions.
Bashir walked into the bar. "What would you like?", Quark said.
Bashir responded "Egg Nog", and Nog got egged in the head. (Smack! "Ow!")

"Buffy The Vampire Slayer"
Made a really crappy film.
Luke Perry and Paul Rubens
Made the average viewer ill.
All of the Warner Brothers
Gave it a Tim Burton twist.
Now watch her kill on TV,
Showing off her ample acting ability!

Angel, you're a studly guy.
Watch out girls, he'll suck you dry. Oh…

Mulder and Scully
Are on my rooftop, what have
They come here to see?
UFO reindeer.
Is it Saint Nick? No, it's a
Big conspiracy now.
Cause we need a little X-Files.
We'll be overjoyous
When we fill our stockings
Full of paranoias.
So just send the Men In Black home
Because they annoy us.
We need a little X-Files now.

Now my DM is a curmudgeon.
He trapped me in a dungeon.
I hope these dice will save my troll.
Let it roll, let it roll, let it roll.
Now you may think my life is tragic
Cause I play with cards of magic
That cost me my eternal soul.
Let it roll, let it roll, let it roll.

It's a fanboy Christmas, from Roswell to Missourah.
We're wishing happy Qwanzaa, to Sisko and Uhura.
Our Jewish friends have opened, the gifts that we did buy 'em,
The brand new Kosher Transformer, Optimus L'chaim!

Hercules and Xena, Hercules and Xena, Hercules and Xena, Iolias, Gabriel
Hercules and Xena, Hercules and Xena, Hercules and Xena, Iolias, Gabriel
Herc is a demi-god, Xen' has a killer bod.
Iolias died, and Gabby cried, cause Joxer is a clod.

Tribble, Tribble, Tribble, you're made of fluffy fur.
Tribble, Tribble, Tribble, we love to hear you purr.
Tribble, Tribble, Tribble, you're really just a pain.
Tribble, Tribble, Tribble, you ate up all our grain.

Get on your Taun-Taun-nukkah.
It's Star Wars Hanukkah.
You can hang out with Qui-Gon-nukkah.
On the Millenium Falcon-nukkah.
With a Wookie named Chewba-nukkah.
(Everybody:) Please help me Obi-Wan-nukkah.
So go see Episode One-nukkah.
And have a happy, happy, happy Star Wars Hanukkah!

It's a fanboy Christmas, the temperature is nippley.
So throw Aliens on the fire, with that new clone of Ripley.
The anime cartoon stars, are all getting along.
The dementites and dementiods are all listening to this song!

Danger, danger young Will Robinson.
For Dr. Smith is coming Will Robinson.
I know you have been searching for Babylon (1, 2, 3, 4, 5).
You're hungry, have some fish heads, eat them up yum,
Eat them up yum, eat them up yum…
Linoleum… YEAH!

I… saw Marvin… kissing Santa Claus…
Underneath the doorway… late last night…
(Door:) Please enjoy your trip through this door! Enjoy tonight's film, "It's A Wonderful Life!".
"It's A Wonderful Life"… Don't talk to me about "It's A Wonderful Life".

Christmas, Christmas time is here.
I hit the toy store each year.
Slip the stocker a twenty.
Action figures all for me.
At conventions, sell the girth.
I charge twelve times what they're worth.
Gee, this Christmas time is swell,
(Spoken:) Until all the little kids who want to buy the toys just so they can play with 'em all get together and hunt me down and catch me and kill me and then I'll burn in Hell!

It's a fanboy Christmas, and outside it's a blizzard.
So curl up by the fire, with your copy of Wizard.
Lara Croft's new Yule Raider, just might over-sex us.
And Wolverine is here to wish us all a merry X-Mas!

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg.
The Batmobile broke its wheel, and the Joker got away.
Penguin spewed, Riddler's food, in Two-Face's cup.
When Catwoman soiled her litter, Alfred cleaned it up.

Silent Bob… Jay and Bob…
Hatchet men… is their job…
Just two pot prophets with some weird quirks.
Just two mallrats hassling clerks.
Always chasing Amy.
Smokin' snootchie bootchies.

God rest ye merry Pokemon, inside your Poke balls,
Team Rocket, Jesse, James, and Meowth are here to wreck your halls.
No decorations will they hang, nor carols will they sing,
They're too busy Poke-Christmas Card collecting,
Stealing all that they can get from Burger King.

Should Voyager ever get home
And again see Earth's Sun shine,
Then you'll find me out on the town,
With my date, Seven of Nine.
It's a fanboy Christmas, no time to dilly-dally.
Get all the geeks together, cause it's time for the finale…

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my fangirl gave to me…
Twelve larpers larping,
Eleven filkers filking,
Ten apes from deep space,
Nine 'Doctor Who's,
Eight sweet transvestites,
Seven of Nine,
Six Ewoks dancing,
Five Cardassian lights,
(Picard:) There are four lights!
Four Starfleet Captains,
Three Star Wars prequels,
Two protocol droids,
And "there can be only ONE"
Sci-Fi channel on my TV!

(To the tune of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas")
We wish you a fanboy Christmas,
We wish you a fanboy Christmas,
We wish you a fanboy Christmas,
And a Trekkie new year!

…and I heard him exclaim as he flew out of view,
'Live long and prosper, and may the force be with you!'

Roddenberry bless us, everyone!

Push the button, Frankincense.